Spiritual Purge

Before I give you the message, let me give you a highlight into the excruciatingly painful world of womanhood via our menstrual cycle. I’m sure every person at some point has heard a woman complain about menstrual discomfort. I mean, as beautiful as it is, ask any uteri bleeding person and they will tell you that it is no walk in the park. This particular cycle was no different, and I’ve become attune to my body and its waves, becoming more vigilant about what I eat, although sometimes my cravings get the best of me. Like how I decided to consume two chocolate pecan brownies days prior to Flo’s arrival. DUMB ASS MOVE. 

Fast forward to Friday and I decide to do business as usual, per usual, with my day starting at 4AM. By 5:30 I was throwing up in agony with what felt like someone stabbing a knife through my stomach into my back. I can say even my labor pains haven’t been as bad as some of my menstrual pains. I expected the normal one-day wreckage. Twice a year;  I try not to learn this painful lesson more than I forget I have to. This was my second time and here I am quietly screaming for my friend’s help. Scorching hot bath, heating pad, throwing up, water, throwing up the water and dry heaving recklessly. No sleep.

For three days this continued. 

By the time I had any [re]connection with my body, it felt very hollow. All I could think about was how I missed the gym. And who TF was I to take my body for granted and who TF did my body think it was to betray me? It seemed to remind me frequently who was in charge. It settled only  briefly for a couple hours; long enough to take my kid to the park, before I was back hunched over the trash can, bed, bathtub - wherever the pain may take me.

I survived. Like my body just knew how to do that. 

Back in the gym and this isn’t the same core I have been building with for years. I felt hollow after the whole ordeal but I just thought it was due to the vomiting. Yes it was, and also the Purge. Something had left me. Something I no longer needed and here I was slimmer, abs poking, with a core/intuition I must get to [re]member deeper, again, and I know there is a beautiful start in that. I had the whole epiphany that it was bigger than my period. I was brought more deeply into myself through such a painfully horrific experience. Similar to my ego death… around this same time a couple years prior. 

Ok Spirit, I see the pattern…

And I’m grateful for the rhythms and grooves I am able to find myself more deeply; in flow.