The Journey of Purpose

I am asked quite often how I have made it this far as an artist? I am about five years into my career at this point and have very little recollection of how the bills got paid. However, as I currently sit in my eviction-pending apartment with a completely empty fridge of celery, a lemon, and unsweetened cookies which I thought would turn out better; I am leaning into gratitude for all I do have and how this journey in no way is linear. It will take a lot of unexpected twists and turns however it is YOUR journey. The journey I’m referring to is one of purpose. 

The year is 2016, my mom had transitioned to another realm, I was in a marriage I felt I couldn't get myself out of [without her] and working a slightly dead end job with no room for growth. And not to mention a 1 year old and an open CPS case. To say I was fuckin up would be an understatement. However, upon learning who my mother was at her core (an artist) and the life she lived that to me mirrored someone who could not walk in their purpose, I found some courage. To change my circumstance in whatever way I could. 

I was really scared to get a divorce and leave my husband even though the truth is that I was supported on my income alone, a new child and a grown ass man intent on not stepping up to the plate fully; which would become a pattern for him… My best friend said two things to me that were like a push off the cliff: “you’re scared to leave and do it alone when the truth is you are already doing it alone, just with dead weight.” and “if you could do anything for the rest of your life and not get paid what would you do?” I realized in that moment what my purpose was. I have always been a writer, however with broken trust and several journals, I became turned off to the idea of sharing my intimate thoughts at a very early age. However, my mom was gone now, and I felt a sense of freedom within that. So I came to the truth that writing was my path. 

Now me being completely impulsive in 2017 I calmly told my ex husband I wanted out of my marriage, pivoted from a dead end job into real estate and eventually quit that and decided to wing it as a full time [poet at the time] with no clue on what I was doing. Upon my mom’s transition she did leave me enough inheritance to pay for a very expensive divorce, therapy, a few months rent, and my car (Coretta). Somewhere along the way I kinda figured it out, I have good business and street smarts and I'm mentally scrappy when I wanna be, so things will always find a way to work out for me even if it's not exactly at the time I think it should. 

Along the way, I am healing, I am investing in myself and the knowing of my Self, and I’m learning my voice and listening to my creative soul. I have become deeply rooted in my path as a Spiritualist and gained so much about my ancestors and my heritage. 

Now here we are and the year is 2022, I may be a little hungry physically but I’m completely nourished creatively and maybe that’s the only thing I should be digesting, besides enormous amounts of coffee. I have so much gratitude for where I have come from and also where I am now, I am hopeful and have complete faith in where my journey takes me and have now gained a strong sense of freedom and individuality which has developed from a “no one can live my life but me, no fucks given attitude,” and why I can so confidently and in high spirits tell you about my empty fridge and once upon a time, messy life. There is freedom in living my life for me and not relinquishing ANY of that power to anyone else without my full and complete choice and consent. 

All that to say, when you find your purpose; why you’re put here on this planet, LEAN ALL THE WAY INTO IT! Quiet the noise of everyone and everything around you because now it’s just you and this magnificent thing which you must become familiar with and learn how to work and expand within and to fulfill. No one and I mean absolutely no one has the range of knowledge equipped to help you or judge you within this. There will be people flow[n] to you which will provide you what you may need, however this journey is yours alone and there is so much beauty and freedom with that. 

Also on topic: Lauren London recently said something online which has really been a pillar in my journey of creativity and faith: 

“Because at the end of the day, as much control as we think we have, we do not. And it’s actually very powerful to surrender. We think that it’s a weakness. But it’s so much power in letting go and flowing with the river. Because life is going to do what it’s going to do. And we are all going to get chin-checked by life one way or another. So I might as well focus on my enlightenment and roll with the river and not fight with the rocks.”