Manifestation Without Works is Dead

We all want the best in life. We think and speak these things to ourselves in hopes that the universe will provide. A lot of times we neglect to remember the most important part of manifestation. Work! You cannot just speak and expect the universe to bend to your will without putting in as much work as it has to in order to provide for you. When I made the conscious decision to live in my purpose, I knew that I would have to resolve a lot of my past, including thoughts, behaviors, restoration and restitution. And my silly ass thought it was going be simple. Shit, once you have lived a pretty rough life, you often feel like most things that are thrown your way are simple. I was wrong! Entirely. Healing, resolving and breaking up with my ego was one of the hardest things that I have done. Aside from having to live without my daughter, it is the hardest thing that I have done. There were a lot of ugly truths I had to speak and take ownership for. I am forced to change my perspective on so many things, from all my sexual and emotional trauma to the non existent relationship with my mother. Posthumously might I add.  Yet I wanted to be happy and happiness comes with a price PLUS tax. I had to do the work. Make a conscious effort everyday to do the work and intentionally be happy. One of my hardest thought and behavior patterns that I am able to recognize and am trying to break free from is my need for control. I HAVE to control everything. From the happiness of others (which is shown through over extending myself) to the relationships I desire to be in, leading to the ways in which others handle their lives. I have to have my hand in it all. Simultaneously. It’s manipulative. It’s impossible and it’s hindering not only myself but the people around me. Before I was able to change this toxic behavior, I had to analyze the root of it. I had my power taken at a young age. I was molested at 5 and continuously as I aged, being sexually assaulted and raped by more men than I care to count or remember. I didn’t have anyone in my corner, not even my mother. My power was taken. So I spent my entire life trying to take that power back through control. If I could control everything and everyone around me, I could keep myself protected and have the power that I often was not afforded. People would bend to my will and if they didn’t fall in line they were cut before they cut me. That’s not the way I wanted it, that’s the way it was and how I believed it had to be. There is something funny about belief though. It is rooted deeply in choice. You could always choose to believe something different. At any point you could change... Oh but that would require work. That magically separate yet mutually exclusive part of manifestation. There is a point where the manifestation falls short and you have to decide. Am I going to do the work?