4 Helpful Tips to Heal Honestly

Healing Is not Linear

When I decided to make a conscious effort to heal and resolve the issues from my past I had an end game, a goal, a map of what I wanted to tackle in what order and how. So I started therapy and the inner work. Then reality hit me! Healing is in no way linear. There is no map, and while it is proactive to have things that you would like to work on, it is unrealistic to create an order. I quickly learned that as you begin to tackle and check hinderances and traumas off your list, other things arise through the process of dealing with one that requires your immediate attention in order to resolve and progress in your restorative journey. For instance, of the major things I wanted to work on, the toxic and crippling thoughts and behaviors as a result of the sexual trauma I experienced as a child and into my adulthood was on the top of my list. Now, through the process of working on that, I had to address my need to overextend myself in friendships and my unhealthy relationship with my mother. Needless to say, these secondary things were nowhere near each other on my checklist and were not things that I knew affected each other. Yet, as I tackled the major overall problems, other areas of my life were improved as well. The fact that I had a definite healing map just reinforced my need to control even the ways I let go of the issues in my life. I had to throw out the map, create a flexible guide and let the healing flow freely.

Managing Mental Illness is a Lifelong Journey

When I was 5 I was clinically diagnosed with ADHD, Bipolar, Depression, and D.I.D. I didn’t know at 5 what all this was and how it was going to affect me. I was simply doped up on meds and given the notion that it would fix the problem. I was then again diagnosed at 15 and again at 18, still not having a clear understanding of how to manage it. Now addicted to prescription medication as I spent my day popping pills by the problem. However, this time I decided I no longer wanted to spend my day taking prescription medication. Yet having no healthy skills to manage my mental illness, I ignored them and allowed it to negatively affect my life. It wasn’t until I decided to take total control of my life that I realized, there is no magic pill that cures the imbalances that I live with. It takes a conscious effort every day to manage mental illness. You have to implement daily healthy coping mechanisms and tasks to work with your mental illness instead of combatting it. Through this process, you will come to love yourself more, to be more compassionate and careful with your self care; all practices that are necessary as s functioning adult, mental illness or not.

Forgiveness Begins with Yourself

The idea that someone else needs to earn your forgiveness is false; let me start by saying that. The concept is an illusion. The freedom of forgiveness doesn’t help the other person; it doesn’t break the chain that your ill feelings believe that they are shackled by. It simply breaks the bars around your heart and makes emotional room for the resurrection. Accountability is what the sense of forgiveness masks as. For both parties. When you allow forgiveness of self in whatever way is applicable to the situation, you are better able to handle others and yourself with compassion and boundaries.

The Healing Process is the Destination

When one begins the process of healing often times there is an endgame in mind. To feel better, to believe there is better, and/or to be free from the limitations that trauma may trap us in. We are only going through the process to get to the end result. While this isn’t a negative thing, it limits the effectiveness of the work that needs to be done at the moment. We think about the work that will get you to your end result instead of the work that you NEED to do that may not directly result in the false destination. The work IS the destination. Healing is the goal. The result of healing is the bonus.