From the field of my Harvest

With arms full of what I can do all sorts of things with, I, for a moment, bring you what I have learned of pleasure and of organizing your harvest so as to not spoil any of it. 

It’s so interesting how when we are in the midst of struggle, pain, discomfort; or growth edges, or what we can also refer to as our Tower moments, we wish for anything but what we are going through then. We want so badly to feel good and to know that this will not endure always. Just as the soil must be turned over and this is a tedious and laborious task, so too must our harvest grow in the wake of sad labor. 

But when? It feels as though it will never come and perhaps sometime it feels as a mirage we become disillusioned to, to cushion the pain. Alas, I call to you from the field of my own harvest, which I too thought would never come to tell you that yours will too. 

I will be honest when I became aware that I was in the midst of my harvest I had felt much discomfort prior. Things had started to look up for me but suddenly, everything I needed to get where I wanted to go was falling into place, with no real effort [in the moment] on my part. Now, I have prepared for all of it, and worked for all of it, however, when you’re in the midst of the work you don’t often indulge yourself too long in what you will do when it’s harvest time. Or at least I didn’t do as much. I just focused on the work at hand and when it was hard, it felt like it would never cease. So imagine my panic when a growing snowball of abundance comes rolling toward me. Knowing I have prepared for it didn’t make receiving it any more comfortable. 

So now I was tasked with unpacking my discomfort and imploding anxiety with the pleasures of life. Yes, good things were happening but I was panicking, waiting for somewhere, anywhere in the sky for the other shoe to drop. 

Then I came back to something my friend Ryan said to me; “what if there is no shoe?” 

I don’t know, there has always been something waiting to drag me back to the familiar depths of darkness. I hadn’t thought about that not being a possibility. That caused me even more anxiety, waiting for a monster that will not come. At least not tonight. 

What did I do to get from there to here: where I am frolicking in the field, smelling the roses and gathering all that my arms, soul, and mind can carry from the fields of my harvest; joy-full?

I don’t know, I kinda just had to keep sitting with the good that was happening. Reminding myself of all the work I had done and that at this moment there was no work for me to do other than to indulge. What was mine had found its way to me, too against all odds. I found many uses for the good. I put all of it into my dreams and goals and applied them. I allowed my abundance to be the funnel I invest in which grows through my soul. 

This journey while nowhere near over, has been interesting thus far. It’s allowed me to heal in a way only light can. It has revived what I thought were dying things, it has in large part changed my perspective, reignited my purpose, and allowed me to come closer to myself with courage, hope, and possibility. 

More than anything, it has allowed me to dream [im]possible dreams.